The Dog of course ....... at least it will shut up after you let him in!
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A couple had three children. Two of them were bright, smart, and handsome but the third child was dull, ugly, and backward.
One day the hubby got suspicious and asked: " Tell me the truth, dear. Is this third child really mine?"
"Yes, dear," replied the wife, " ...... but the other two are not. "
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When a bachelor marries, his wife has three qualities ----- She is an economist in the kitchen, an aristocrat in the living room and a devil in bed.
After a few years, sure enough the three qualities remain, but not in the same order anymore.
She becomes an aristocrat in the kitchen, a devil in the living room and an economist in bed.
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A couple came upon a wishing well. The husband leaned over, made a wish and threw in a penny.
The wife decided to make a wish too. But she leaned over too much, fell into the well, and drowned immediately.
The husband was stunned for a while but then smiled and said : "Gosh! It really works!"
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I asked my wife : " Where do you want to go on our anniversary?"
She said : "Oh! Somewhere I have never been before!"
I told her : " How about the kitchen ? "
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The Marriage is .....
How do most men define marriage?
An expensive way to get laundry done for free.
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During their silver anniversary, a wife reminded her husband, "Do you remember when you proposed to me, I was so overwhelmed that I didn't talk for an hour?"
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An elderly couple visit McDonalds. He orders one hamburger, one order of french fries and one drink. The old man unwraps the plain hamburger and carefully cuts it in half. He places one half in front of his wife. He then carefully counts out the french fries, dividing them into two piles and neatly placing one pile in front of his wife. He takes a sip of the drink, his wife takes a sip and then sets the cup down between them. As he begins to eat his few bites of hamburger, the people around them keep looking over and whispering. You could tell they were thinking, "That poor old couple - all they can afford is one meal for the two of them."
As the man begins to eat his fries a young man comes to the table. He politely offers to buy another meal for the old couple. The old man says they are just fine - They are used to sharing everything. The surrounding people notice the little old lady hasn't eaten a bite. She sits there watching her husband eat and occasionally takes turns sipping the drink. Again the young man comes over and begs them to let him buy another meal for them. This time the old woman says "No, thank you, we are used to sharing everything."
As the old man finishes and is wiping his face neatly with the napkin, the young man again comes over to the little old lady who has yet to eat a single bite of food and asks "What is it you are waiting for?"
She answers....
(This is great)
"THE TEETH."
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