I received my parents' call tonight. Instead of I looking forward to call back regularly in the past, now they called me every week end and reminded me of the existance of my HOME.
It all started in University when I got busy with my study. I always received their call late at night when I was still working in my studio, drafing and modeling alone. ALONE in the sense that I felt that I was on my own, doing something tough and I got to carry it through without precedents.
Gradually, I started to "neglect" my home and my parents. I forgot to call back, did not know how to tell them all the complexes that was going on. And later I found it even harder to communicate through the air those entangled and those inspiring...
Gradually I treated the conversation just as a time to listern to their voices, to know what is happening at home, "good" or "bad", nice or troublesome... the last bit of desire to convey my own "struggle" gets dissolved...
Every time I talked to them, I turned down my will of relying on someone..and the idea of ALONE is reinforced. I have to face everything myself.
The last long long letter destinated for HOME was about 2 years ago. 2 yrs down the road.
A bit tired tonight. My room is my home.
6539
 blueberry 在 1/31/2005 11:38:50 PM 说:
:D
wawa 在 1/31/2005 11:35:26 PM 说:
u make me sweet. terribly.
blueberry 在 1/31/2005 11:33:22 PM 说:
btw wawa, me feel home when u r ard. haha
blueberry 在 1/31/2005 11:17:39 PM 说:
hehe. ur mom. i realise that i am always in a X-sick condition. and recently it's home's turn. tonight, me got germany-sick. hehe. hopeless.
wawa 在 1/31/2005 10:44:21 PM 说:
me sort of homesick but sometimes don't feel like going back, although I want to... every time my mom would mention that thing that make me stressed you know... -_-
wawa 在 1/31/2005 10:39:25 PM 说:
hehe. :) ya, chinese new year is coming...
blueberry 在 1/31/2005 4:22:18 PM 说:
hehe. me din manage to keep my home-sickness in check, so u see them overflowing in my previous replies :P hope my airing of homesickness din damp the page. hehe.
wawa 在 1/31/2005 12:48:26 AM 说:
desert. i thought of desert. I felt thirsty, at times, thirst in my heart. those are the moments I feel shaky. parents could not help. HOME, to be with those i love, and to do those i like.
wawa 在 1/31/2005 12:43:27 AM 说:
haha, somemore "debate" or "clarification". here the Monastery you implied a disciplined and austere life (still, peaceful, uninteresting, maybe); and for HOME, you refer to the physical and social form of a family ( a couple with children, sweet or bitter whatever the situation might be..) yes, to sustain a PHYSICAL family, trust and responsiblity are necessary. Very often they are integrated into the everyday and we carry them out with pleasure. but what I proposed is more about the relationship btw inntate personality and the surroundings. Monastery for those love to meditate, family for those want to settle down, and journey for those want to explore... when ppl find their ways, they are true to themselves, and the "forces are resloved" (although not eternal) It does not follow "idea", "ideology", "image", not belong to the external value systerm. eg. If someone realize that he only got 3 more months of life , he is probably going to do things more "true" to himself.
carrot 在 1/30/2005 11:00:54 PM 说:
desert or deserted? no,you never have been, and won't be. ：）
blueberry 在 1/30/2005 3:41:16 PM 说:
if the balance of internal forces is all we r looking for, a monastery is more than enough. home is not only a place where one's true nature unfolds but also a place where one learns to be live with compassion, mutual trust and dependence which r rarely found in the school of solitude.
wawa 在 1/30/2005 2:02:23 PM 说:
In that book, the writer discovered a fish pond in a villiage that has the "timeless quality' which make him burst into tears. He stood by the pond for the whole afternoon... funny it is, i laughed. "The fishman yearning for the shore when he is out in the sea, and yearning for the sea when he is back on the shore." The cycle is never-ending. I agree the write that, a man is only true to his own nature when he is at HOME, when all his inner forces are resolved. here HOME refers to more than a physical form of family. ...thinking in fun, feeling in earnest. :) :)
wawa 在 1/30/2005 1:45:30 PM 说:
oh min, really? thx to the readings... :P
blueberry 在 1/30/2005 12:59:30 PM 说:
now i doubt self-fulfilment is all that i shall be alive for.
blueberry 在 1/30/2005 12:56:53 PM 说:
i was an independent girl years ago, well at least i thought i was. i wished i could be financially independent and could live for nobody but my self-fulfilment. after yrs'of exposure to the apathy on this tiny island, i nearly lost my final traces of faith in something precious. one day i was suddenly knocked to awakening tat there is a corner in the world where i barely took notice of in the past, where there r people whom i owe my life to, where love abounds and never ends and where i truly belong to. tat corner is where we call home.
blueberry 在 1/30/2005 12:27:27 PM 说:
wawa, i've returned the book for ya. it's a pleasant book and very easy to read on. ur lecturer has a fine taste. hehe. do make a recommendation to me if u know any such kind of books(not on RBR shelves) in the future. thankQ.:)
min 在 1/30/2005 2:03:06 AM 说:
your expression in writing has improved tremendously!
wawa 在 1/30/2005 12:41:04 AM 说:
the feeling of soothing home, i think we all got to create it somewhere ourselves...
方遒 在 1/30/2005 12:02:47 AM 说:
my last letter to my parents was 3 years ago. so long a time has passed.
方遒 在 1/30/2005 12:01:46 AM 说:
same here.
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